I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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