Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
