put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have post one night stand depression
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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