i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love you. Go after that dick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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