HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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