I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
