I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
