I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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