no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
