I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
