Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
