MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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