I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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