He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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