I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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