youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
