some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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