and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
