I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Alive.
So much puke
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
