My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Bring me that man meat
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