party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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