i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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