i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
