I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
