Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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