I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
