My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
