We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
