When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
