So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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