the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
