if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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