Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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