To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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