this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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