you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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