You made me cry and you don't even care
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
