Just cropdusted the office
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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