Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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