If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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