It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
