Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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