Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
