stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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