Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
