i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
