Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
