Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
