I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
