Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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