I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
