i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
