Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
