Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
