you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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