I am puke
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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