If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
