Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I look better un-naked...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
